sensex n the stupid opposite sex

i got up on dassera morning with the anxiousness of the financial markets looming large over my head. somehow the current state of the foreign markets worried me 2 no limits. my placements which were about 6 months away from now had a lot to do with it. j.p. morgan had very conviniently converted itself from its regula investment activities thereby putting me in a spot of worry. never have i been so concerned about the markets. i have never cared whether nifty fell or sensex rose. if dowjones crumbled or nasdaq did well. but today it all mattered. i could see my career goin down with each fallin point.i picked up the newspaper hopng to see some good news. nope...no luck....indian markets fall below 10500. i heard the RBI governer say on NDTV that indian banks were safe despite all that was happening world over. and since they also hiked the CRR....i could actually trust him. i looked at de bottom of the page....26 killed in j&k blast. okay nothin new in that. rekha turns 54 tomorrow. okay lady...happy birthday. naturally depressed with the sad state of affairs i turned to my friend for some peace.....which i normally get from her everytime i speak 2 her. baaton baaton mein my mind drifted away to this article by a certain wierd ass (vir das with an american accent). it was about staying single in bombay.
okay so bombay is this big city n all....the city thats got a great night life and all that stuff. but come on....why make a big deal about stayin single in bombay??? there are thousands of men who are single over here...some by choice...n some without any choice.on any other day i would have burnt that sheet of paper but since this article was by vir das(a person whos got the class required to be a stand up comedian.) i decided to give it a read. it wasnt really an article....it was jus the pros and cons of staying single in bombay. let me tell you....its not our fault that we guys are single in bombay. we dont like 2 be single. we like to have some1 in our life too. and we DO prefer commitment. ofcourse there are a few moles in the society. but as i said...its not our fault. what can we do if girls freak out when we ask them out. its like we've offered to murder them or something like that.i remember playing this prank on a girl in my school. i asked her out with de cheesiest of pickups. she screamed loud enough to get me booked for harrasment. n loud enough to make me nervous. and the worst part was ,she wouldnt believe that it was a bluff. okay....so maybe i wasnt really good looking in those days...and im not sayin that im a showstopper now.....but still... look better than those zee horror show zombies atleast.
recently i was with my friends at a local hookah lounge and this female comes up.
SHE : HI!! HOW ARE YA!! LONG TIME EH!!
HE : OH HEY! YEAH LONG TIME! (OKAY I DO ADMIT...WE GUYS DO GET A BIT EXCITED WHEN A FEMALE SHOWS UP AND MAKES THE FIRST MOVE 2 SPEAK.....BUT THATS COZ ITZ REALLY RARE THAT A FEMALE MAKES THE FIRST MOVE)
SHE : SO YOU ARE WITH UR FRNDS NA...I WONT DISTURB YA....IM AT DE TABLE IN THE CORNER....JOIN US IF U LIKE....
HE : UMMM WOULD LOVE TO BUT WE'RE LEAVIN NOW (SHIT!! CANT I ORDER JUS 1 MORE DISH)
SHE : OH OK....Y DONT U INTRODUCE ME TO UR PALS!!
HE : SURE....( BOY DO I LOVE THESE FIDGETY TYPES!!!)
SHE : NAAH...ILL DO IT MYSELF.....HI....IM -----....RAGZ CONSIDERS ME AS HIS SISTER.
THUD!!! CLANG!! THUD!!! THUD!!!! BOOM!!!!!!
THAT VERY MOMENT THE WORLD CAME CRASHING DOWN ON ME.BITCH DID IT ON PURPOSE. WHAT ON EARTH DOES SHE MEAN "CONSIDERS"?? AS IF THE WORD "SISTER" WASNT CRAPPY ENOUGH!!! I NEVER CONSIDERED YOU AS MY SISTER LADY...I CANT HELP IT IF U CONSIDER URSELF AS MY SISTER. ANYWAYS...THAT WAS ENOUGH TO MAKE ME THE ASS OF THE DAY.
i mean....WHAT IS IT WITH THESE GIRLS!! y do they have to freak out when we ask them out for a cup of coffee or a movie. we're not askin u to marry us...are we? and as it is...we guys have specific tastes.....we dont ask anyone and everyone.....
atleast we have the guts to say no if we dont like u. n not the usual.."ur really nice....i would love to...but this is not the time....cant we just stay as frnds??" yeah right!!! thats y i asked u out!!! idiots!!!
anyways...by the looks of it....stayin single aint so bad at all....
i broke up with ma girl quite a few days back. it was a bit odd for de first few days...but after a while u feel liberated.....its like the leash is off ur neck. all of a sudden....ur bank balance shows a positive amount....u start saving a lot of cash..... the beer inflow increases!!! u start gettin time for ur friends....which i feel is much more beautiful than having a gf. and u can start flirtin too. and after flirting...theres every possible chance that ull fall in love all over again...n yeah....all those people wo think u can love only once...burn them alive...
u can always look at that cute female waitin for de bus at de bus stop....n say.....oh yeah...shes the one!!!