i had a function at my place today. and for those who dont knw i come from a typical middle-class south indian family. now the first thing that strikes another non-southindian is that we southies hav tongue-twisters for names - betty bought some blah blah - those sorts. what also strikes them is dat we guys are heavily tanned...no matter where we stay. we can tan even in the dark if we wanted to.
u will also observe that we southies have pet-names or nicknames apart from are official name which are as...ya knw....wtv!
and we dont have surnames...for what good reason...i dont knw....but the bottomline is we dont. i was filling up my 6th semester form the other day and there was this place where i had to fill in my surname.i dint knw what to write over there n promptly left the place blank.
so, I on my birth certificate am Triprayar Ramachandran Sheshadri. i will not blame you for painfully trying to guess my name in there. ill make it a lot more easier for u. Triprayar is my native place's name , Ramachandran is my dad's name and Sheshadri is my name. Also Known As Raghav. oh n by the way...dats just the revised version of my name. I was supposed to be Triprayar Ramachandran Sheshadri-nathan. Till my mom decided to show mercy on me. imagine if i had to write that thing on my exam answer sheets!!!. or my examination forms!!! killer!
God Bless my grandmother for giving me another name to be called at home...Raghav.
so as i said... i had a function at my place today and had to wake up for that. my mom came into the room - raghavaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa get up!! (yeah we southies have this habit of extending the person's name whom we are calling...it puts in the emotions).
Hearing that an aunt of mine said - you children have been given such good names! each one of you has a God's name. there is lakshmi..then there is vijaylakshmy...there is padmavati....there is balasubramaniam....there is venkateshwaran...then there is you sheshadri!!and you also have pet names!!! you are Raghav...she is kavita...she is padma...he is balaji!!
i was like....yeah right!! its jus coz its a lot more easier for you guys to wake us up!!
imagine my mom going "triprayar Ramachandran Sheshadri-nathan!!! its time to wake up!!!"
Spare a thought for VVS Laxman's mum. He is Vangipurrappu Venkata Sai Laxman. phew! By the time shes done with his name...good ol' Lax must have finished breakfast!
then we have ace Sri Lankan Pacer - Chaminda Vass - who incidently is W.P.U.J.C. Vass!
heres how the name goes...Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas
i pity his mom when he was a kid!
i respect my name though. i respect it for the fact that i got it frm One of The greatest human beings i have heard off. i say "heard off" coz i dun remember seeing him coz he passed away when i was a year or so. He is my Grandfather. I consider it an honour to be named after him and can only hope that someday, somewhr i can be like him or even a fraction like him! I love you Tatha and i miss you!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
thud!
someone said, the higher you go...the harder you fall. whoever said it
must have suffered one helluva set back. i faced one to..... a very
minor one though. but it did teach me a lot. i had it in my grasp.
maybe i closed my fists a bit too quickly. just enough for it to slip
out of my hands. the pain that surges through your spine is not
something that can be measured. all i can do now is move on n wait for
it to come back.....
Friday, December 5, 2008
the aftermath
the aftermath....
it doesnt need a rocket scientist to try and analyse what this blogpost is gonna be about.
yes, its about the recent terror attacks that our beloved city of Bombay had to go through. property was damaged....lives were lost...lives were taken...lives were sacrificed.
Hieght of Audacity - thats how i'll describe this horrendous attack, not on bombay,not on India, nor on the citizens of India....but an attack on humanity as a whole. we all can go on and on about the security lapses dat our country has country has faced over the past decade and a half. we all can go on and on about the sacrifices dat were made over the years and lakhs of innocent human lives lost to terror. n we may never find an end to all of this. we may always face the "risk" - as the IRDA has now termed it as...of a bomb exploding in our train or a plane crashing on our heads or armed maniacs crossing national boundries as though they were crossing garden fences.
but these attacks have been instrumental in doing 1 good thing for a change. gradually awakening a sleeping giant.
the recent attacks on few of the most famous landmarks in Bombay, brought about a change in the way people were looking at de Indian political scene , terrorism and secularism.
what could have been brushed under the carpet became a nationwide cause for a full-fledged rebellion against the system and the people who were running the show. finally the police force which was usually mocked at, became the pearl of every Indian's eye.for years we have blamed our security forces for not being efficient without considering the fact that they are running errands for us with tied-up hands. hands that have been tied up by corrupt politicians.
now, im a sucker when it comes to politics. but i do know for a fact that India is the largest DEMOCRACY in the world. and as far as my knowledge goes a democracy is based on 9 words which go like this "of the people, by the people, for the people"
for ages we have been watchin politicians slug it out in the lok sabha, at election rallies and taking pot-shots at de opposite camp. i personally always believed dat our so called leaders were good people and deserved a chance to prove themselves. but recently a few statements by some idiotic, ridiculous and erratic personalities boiled my blood.
Mr.Naqvi said dat women wearin makeup and a pair of jeans were the ones behind the conspiracy. no hard feelings but all the offence meant and straight from my heart....sir....were u drunk when u made such a statement??? what on planet earth were you thinking when u made such a stupid statement whcih had me atleast in splits for almost two hours at a stretch. on a more serious note...mr.naqvi....jus watch it....ur not the only one around who can make racist comments....we are Indians too and we are pretty good at being racists too!
mr.achut-watever-i dont care...... you had de B**** to insult the family of a national hero. here's my reply to u.... id rather let a dog pee inside my house rahter than let u anywhere near it. id rather be bitten by a sick dog than have the honour of speakin to you. u look like a criminal who should have been hanged to death as soon as you were born and u have the audacity to turn up at Sandeep's place and offer your politically inclined condolences. maybe u were thinkin that de nation was miffed at sandeep's dad for throwin u out of his crib and made such a statement jus to invite sum support. ill tell u what u invited.....our wrath. u rubbed against our worng side and dun be surprised if ur never elected in ur life again. consider voluntary retirement A"chyut**"nadan....
mr. R.R. Patil....ur first comment surprised me....ur second comment dat ur hindi language is a bit too weak for comfort made me laugh. maybe blurtin out a SRK dialogue(badi badi shehron mein choti choti baatein hoti rehti hain) wasnt such a good idea afterall...that too at a time like this...n before u knew it...u were chucked out.
mr.deshmukh - sorry sir u got it all wrong this time....maybe u dint get the message from all the uproar ur collegues caused before sayin dat u did no wrong by inviting ur son and dat ass-of-a-director RGV for the tour...what exactly did u think it was?? a picnic??
that was my message coz i dint get an opportunity to come on tv and voice my opinions...but i do have a few ideas which our leaders can consider...if they'd like to...
1)now we citizens have the right to elect the candidate of our choice rite?? why not give us the right to "select" those people whom we would like to see standing for the election...as in...a shortlisting of candidates...
2) when we do elect a person....arrange for a mid-term performance appraisal programme where we citizens decide whether our elected candidate has done a satisfactory job. if hes clean..he stays...but if his hands are dirty we show him the door. this will keep the bum on his feet coz he'll knw at de back of his head dat if he fails he'll be chucked out for good.
3)now this one is point-blank silly...history exams for our so called leaders...lets see what they knw about India and its century old heritage which they boast of during their rallies. if not India's languages...are u listening mr.patil???
some people might object to my ideas by sayin that all these things are impossible. let me tell u what impossible is.... hijackin american planes and ramming them into the WTC...dats impossible...but osama did it dint he??
hijackin a trawler and sailin all the way to india frm pakistan and holdin a metropolitan hostage for 60 hours...dats impossible....but a 4th-grade dropout and his bunch of loosers were able to do it. why cant we citizens do our bit to ensure dat we get good people to lead us. we can do it... we have woken up now. and i would like to thank Qasav and his merry men for waking up a country dat was sleeping for the last 15 years. i have full faith in my country and my appeal to the nation is, lets not divide ourselves on the basis of religion and classes. lets fight a common enemy.
UP IN ARMS INDIA!!!
oh n yeah...i would also like to thank a certain raj for nt showin up....
it doesnt need a rocket scientist to try and analyse what this blogpost is gonna be about.
yes, its about the recent terror attacks that our beloved city of Bombay had to go through. property was damaged....lives were lost...lives were taken...lives were sacrificed.
Hieght of Audacity - thats how i'll describe this horrendous attack, not on bombay,not on India, nor on the citizens of India....but an attack on humanity as a whole. we all can go on and on about the security lapses dat our country has country has faced over the past decade and a half. we all can go on and on about the sacrifices dat were made over the years and lakhs of innocent human lives lost to terror. n we may never find an end to all of this. we may always face the "risk" - as the IRDA has now termed it as...of a bomb exploding in our train or a plane crashing on our heads or armed maniacs crossing national boundries as though they were crossing garden fences.
but these attacks have been instrumental in doing 1 good thing for a change. gradually awakening a sleeping giant.
the recent attacks on few of the most famous landmarks in Bombay, brought about a change in the way people were looking at de Indian political scene , terrorism and secularism.
what could have been brushed under the carpet became a nationwide cause for a full-fledged rebellion against the system and the people who were running the show. finally the police force which was usually mocked at, became the pearl of every Indian's eye.for years we have blamed our security forces for not being efficient without considering the fact that they are running errands for us with tied-up hands. hands that have been tied up by corrupt politicians.
now, im a sucker when it comes to politics. but i do know for a fact that India is the largest DEMOCRACY in the world. and as far as my knowledge goes a democracy is based on 9 words which go like this "of the people, by the people, for the people"
for ages we have been watchin politicians slug it out in the lok sabha, at election rallies and taking pot-shots at de opposite camp. i personally always believed dat our so called leaders were good people and deserved a chance to prove themselves. but recently a few statements by some idiotic, ridiculous and erratic personalities boiled my blood.
Mr.Naqvi said dat women wearin makeup and a pair of jeans were the ones behind the conspiracy. no hard feelings but all the offence meant and straight from my heart....sir....were u drunk when u made such a statement??? what on planet earth were you thinking when u made such a stupid statement whcih had me atleast in splits for almost two hours at a stretch. on a more serious note...mr.naqvi....jus watch it....ur not the only one around who can make racist comments....we are Indians too and we are pretty good at being racists too!
mr.achut-watever-i dont care...... you had de B**** to insult the family of a national hero. here's my reply to u.... id rather let a dog pee inside my house rahter than let u anywhere near it. id rather be bitten by a sick dog than have the honour of speakin to you. u look like a criminal who should have been hanged to death as soon as you were born and u have the audacity to turn up at Sandeep's place and offer your politically inclined condolences. maybe u were thinkin that de nation was miffed at sandeep's dad for throwin u out of his crib and made such a statement jus to invite sum support. ill tell u what u invited.....our wrath. u rubbed against our worng side and dun be surprised if ur never elected in ur life again. consider voluntary retirement A"chyut**"nadan....
mr. R.R. Patil....ur first comment surprised me....ur second comment dat ur hindi language is a bit too weak for comfort made me laugh. maybe blurtin out a SRK dialogue(badi badi shehron mein choti choti baatein hoti rehti hain) wasnt such a good idea afterall...that too at a time like this...n before u knew it...u were chucked out.
mr.deshmukh - sorry sir u got it all wrong this time....maybe u dint get the message from all the uproar ur collegues caused before sayin dat u did no wrong by inviting ur son and dat ass-of-a-director RGV for the tour...what exactly did u think it was?? a picnic??
that was my message coz i dint get an opportunity to come on tv and voice my opinions...but i do have a few ideas which our leaders can consider...if they'd like to...
1)now we citizens have the right to elect the candidate of our choice rite?? why not give us the right to "select" those people whom we would like to see standing for the election...as in...a shortlisting of candidates...
2) when we do elect a person....arrange for a mid-term performance appraisal programme where we citizens decide whether our elected candidate has done a satisfactory job. if hes clean..he stays...but if his hands are dirty we show him the door. this will keep the bum on his feet coz he'll knw at de back of his head dat if he fails he'll be chucked out for good.
3)now this one is point-blank silly...history exams for our so called leaders...lets see what they knw about India and its century old heritage which they boast of during their rallies. if not India's languages...are u listening mr.patil???
some people might object to my ideas by sayin that all these things are impossible. let me tell u what impossible is.... hijackin american planes and ramming them into the WTC...dats impossible...but osama did it dint he??
hijackin a trawler and sailin all the way to india frm pakistan and holdin a metropolitan hostage for 60 hours...dats impossible....but a 4th-grade dropout and his bunch of loosers were able to do it. why cant we citizens do our bit to ensure dat we get good people to lead us. we can do it... we have woken up now. and i would like to thank Qasav and his merry men for waking up a country dat was sleeping for the last 15 years. i have full faith in my country and my appeal to the nation is, lets not divide ourselves on the basis of religion and classes. lets fight a common enemy.
UP IN ARMS INDIA!!!
oh n yeah...i would also like to thank a certain raj for nt showin up....
Monday, October 20, 2008
sensex n the stupid opposite sex
i got up on dassera morning with the anxiousness of the financial markets looming large over my head. somehow the current state of the foreign markets worried me 2 no limits. my placements which were about 6 months away from now had a lot to do with it. j.p. morgan had very conviniently converted itself from its regula investment activities thereby putting me in a spot of worry. never have i been so concerned about the markets. i have never cared whether nifty fell or sensex rose. if dowjones crumbled or nasdaq did well. but today it all mattered. i could see my career goin down with each fallin point.i picked up the newspaper hopng to see some good news. nope...no luck....indian markets fall below 10500. i heard the RBI governer say on NDTV that indian banks were safe despite all that was happening world over. and since they also hiked the CRR....i could actually trust him. i looked at de bottom of the page....26 killed in j&k blast. okay nothin new in that. rekha turns 54 tomorrow. okay lady...happy birthday. naturally depressed with the sad state of affairs i turned to my friend for some peace.....which i normally get from her everytime i speak 2 her. baaton baaton mein my mind drifted away to this article by a certain wierd ass (vir das with an american accent). it was about staying single in bombay.
okay so bombay is this big city n all....the city thats got a great night life and all that stuff. but come on....why make a big deal about stayin single in bombay??? there are thousands of men who are single over here...some by choice...n some without any choice.on any other day i would have burnt that sheet of paper but since this article was by vir das(a person whos got the class required to be a stand up comedian.) i decided to give it a read. it wasnt really an article....it was jus the pros and cons of staying single in bombay. let me tell you....its not our fault that we guys are single in bombay. we dont like 2 be single. we like to have some1 in our life too. and we DO prefer commitment. ofcourse there are a few moles in the society. but as i said...its not our fault. what can we do if girls freak out when we ask them out. its like we've offered to murder them or something like that.i remember playing this prank on a girl in my school. i asked her out with de cheesiest of pickups. she screamed loud enough to get me booked for harrasment. n loud enough to make me nervous. and the worst part was ,she wouldnt believe that it was a bluff. okay....so maybe i wasnt really good looking in those days...and im not sayin that im a showstopper now.....but still... look better than those zee horror show zombies atleast.
recently i was with my friends at a local hookah lounge and this female comes up.
SHE : HI!! HOW ARE YA!! LONG TIME EH!!
HE : OH HEY! YEAH LONG TIME! (OKAY I DO ADMIT...WE GUYS DO GET A BIT EXCITED WHEN A FEMALE SHOWS UP AND MAKES THE FIRST MOVE 2 SPEAK.....BUT THATS COZ ITZ REALLY RARE THAT A FEMALE MAKES THE FIRST MOVE)
SHE : SO YOU ARE WITH UR FRNDS NA...I WONT DISTURB YA....IM AT DE TABLE IN THE CORNER....JOIN US IF U LIKE....
HE : UMMM WOULD LOVE TO BUT WE'RE LEAVIN NOW (SHIT!! CANT I ORDER JUS 1 MORE DISH)
SHE : OH OK....Y DONT U INTRODUCE ME TO UR PALS!!
HE : SURE....( BOY DO I LOVE THESE FIDGETY TYPES!!!)
SHE : NAAH...ILL DO IT MYSELF.....HI....IM -----....RAGZ CONSIDERS ME AS HIS SISTER.
THUD!!! CLANG!! THUD!!! THUD!!!! BOOM!!!!!!
THAT VERY MOMENT THE WORLD CAME CRASHING DOWN ON ME.BITCH DID IT ON PURPOSE. WHAT ON EARTH DOES SHE MEAN "CONSIDERS"?? AS IF THE WORD "SISTER" WASNT CRAPPY ENOUGH!!! I NEVER CONSIDERED YOU AS MY SISTER LADY...I CANT HELP IT IF U CONSIDER URSELF AS MY SISTER. ANYWAYS...THAT WAS ENOUGH TO MAKE ME THE ASS OF THE DAY.
i mean....WHAT IS IT WITH THESE GIRLS!! y do they have to freak out when we ask them out for a cup of coffee or a movie. we're not askin u to marry us...are we? and as it is...we guys have specific tastes.....we dont ask anyone and everyone.....
atleast we have the guts to say no if we dont like u. n not the usual.."ur really nice....i would love to...but this is not the time....cant we just stay as frnds??" yeah right!!! thats y i asked u out!!! idiots!!!
anyways...by the looks of it....stayin single aint so bad at all....
i broke up with ma girl quite a few days back. it was a bit odd for de first few days...but after a while u feel liberated.....its like the leash is off ur neck. all of a sudden....ur bank balance shows a positive amount....u start saving a lot of cash..... the beer inflow increases!!! u start gettin time for ur friends....which i feel is much more beautiful than having a gf. and u can start flirtin too. and after flirting...theres every possible chance that ull fall in love all over again...n yeah....all those people wo think u can love only once...burn them alive...
u can always look at that cute female waitin for de bus at de bus stop....n say.....oh yeah...shes the one!!!
okay so bombay is this big city n all....the city thats got a great night life and all that stuff. but come on....why make a big deal about stayin single in bombay??? there are thousands of men who are single over here...some by choice...n some without any choice.on any other day i would have burnt that sheet of paper but since this article was by vir das(a person whos got the class required to be a stand up comedian.) i decided to give it a read. it wasnt really an article....it was jus the pros and cons of staying single in bombay. let me tell you....its not our fault that we guys are single in bombay. we dont like 2 be single. we like to have some1 in our life too. and we DO prefer commitment. ofcourse there are a few moles in the society. but as i said...its not our fault. what can we do if girls freak out when we ask them out. its like we've offered to murder them or something like that.i remember playing this prank on a girl in my school. i asked her out with de cheesiest of pickups. she screamed loud enough to get me booked for harrasment. n loud enough to make me nervous. and the worst part was ,she wouldnt believe that it was a bluff. okay....so maybe i wasnt really good looking in those days...and im not sayin that im a showstopper now.....but still... look better than those zee horror show zombies atleast.
recently i was with my friends at a local hookah lounge and this female comes up.
SHE : HI!! HOW ARE YA!! LONG TIME EH!!
HE : OH HEY! YEAH LONG TIME! (OKAY I DO ADMIT...WE GUYS DO GET A BIT EXCITED WHEN A FEMALE SHOWS UP AND MAKES THE FIRST MOVE 2 SPEAK.....BUT THATS COZ ITZ REALLY RARE THAT A FEMALE MAKES THE FIRST MOVE)
SHE : SO YOU ARE WITH UR FRNDS NA...I WONT DISTURB YA....IM AT DE TABLE IN THE CORNER....JOIN US IF U LIKE....
HE : UMMM WOULD LOVE TO BUT WE'RE LEAVIN NOW (SHIT!! CANT I ORDER JUS 1 MORE DISH)
SHE : OH OK....Y DONT U INTRODUCE ME TO UR PALS!!
HE : SURE....( BOY DO I LOVE THESE FIDGETY TYPES!!!)
SHE : NAAH...ILL DO IT MYSELF.....HI....IM -----....RAGZ CONSIDERS ME AS HIS SISTER.
THUD!!! CLANG!! THUD!!! THUD!!!! BOOM!!!!!!
THAT VERY MOMENT THE WORLD CAME CRASHING DOWN ON ME.BITCH DID IT ON PURPOSE. WHAT ON EARTH DOES SHE MEAN "CONSIDERS"?? AS IF THE WORD "SISTER" WASNT CRAPPY ENOUGH!!! I NEVER CONSIDERED YOU AS MY SISTER LADY...I CANT HELP IT IF U CONSIDER URSELF AS MY SISTER. ANYWAYS...THAT WAS ENOUGH TO MAKE ME THE ASS OF THE DAY.
i mean....WHAT IS IT WITH THESE GIRLS!! y do they have to freak out when we ask them out for a cup of coffee or a movie. we're not askin u to marry us...are we? and as it is...we guys have specific tastes.....we dont ask anyone and everyone.....
atleast we have the guts to say no if we dont like u. n not the usual.."ur really nice....i would love to...but this is not the time....cant we just stay as frnds??" yeah right!!! thats y i asked u out!!! idiots!!!
anyways...by the looks of it....stayin single aint so bad at all....
i broke up with ma girl quite a few days back. it was a bit odd for de first few days...but after a while u feel liberated.....its like the leash is off ur neck. all of a sudden....ur bank balance shows a positive amount....u start saving a lot of cash..... the beer inflow increases!!! u start gettin time for ur friends....which i feel is much more beautiful than having a gf. and u can start flirtin too. and after flirting...theres every possible chance that ull fall in love all over again...n yeah....all those people wo think u can love only once...burn them alive...
u can always look at that cute female waitin for de bus at de bus stop....n say.....oh yeah...shes the one!!!
Friday, August 22, 2008
fading.....
i looked at myself in the mirror
looked on and on
i was looking for myself
i couldnt find my reflection
all i could see was
a scarred soul
a black heart
i could find no remorse
the brightness had faded
the life in me had faded
all i could see was
a beast
a devilish smirk
a soul gone beserk
i was feeling cold.i was dying. my heart had blackened. i had scarred my soul. i had killed myself. i had murdered myself. in my quest to discover peace and fame i sunk lower and lower. i dreamt of hittin rock-bottom. i dreamt of hittin the lowest point in life. till i realized that life was a bottomless pit. u keep falling and falling. i kept on commiting sins hoping to hit sumthing. i dint.
today i realized....what a twat ive been. i realized what goes around trully comes around. i saw those affected by me slicing my heart and hittin me square on the chest. i realized...life was never unfair to me..it was me who dint make the most of it. today i realized how to hit rock bottom. by realizing yourself. i realized myself today and felt a sickening thud directed towards my soul. i have never been right. i was always wrong. i felt sick. never in my life did i feel this way. my heart was heavy. it was pulling me down. i had no courage left in me to stand up and fight. i had lost my bout with life. i was knocked out.
i will miss those days of joy...those days in the lane..a place where i could sense the warmth touching my skin. today my instinct took me there....alone.... i felt like an alien. every step i took thundered at the back of my head. the warmth was gone. the sun above me refused to shine on me. my shadow refused to follow me. the mosquitoes who usually made a feast out of me turned their backs on me. i usually abused every bite they took....today i missed em. the grumpy old man who always glares at me did not even glance at me. eyes which never looked at me began to scan me from head 2 toe.....i felt as though i was naked....i felt as though they could see right through me. i hav finally killed myself.
there was nothing wrong left to do. i had screwed up big time. it cant get any worse.i can only move on from here. i can only look up at life. and that i will.......alone.......untill a miracle shakes things up........
i will start from scratch........now
looked on and on
i was looking for myself
i couldnt find my reflection
all i could see was
a scarred soul
a black heart
i could find no remorse
the brightness had faded
the life in me had faded
all i could see was
a beast
a devilish smirk
a soul gone beserk
i was feeling cold.i was dying. my heart had blackened. i had scarred my soul. i had killed myself. i had murdered myself. in my quest to discover peace and fame i sunk lower and lower. i dreamt of hittin rock-bottom. i dreamt of hittin the lowest point in life. till i realized that life was a bottomless pit. u keep falling and falling. i kept on commiting sins hoping to hit sumthing. i dint.
today i realized....what a twat ive been. i realized what goes around trully comes around. i saw those affected by me slicing my heart and hittin me square on the chest. i realized...life was never unfair to me..it was me who dint make the most of it. today i realized how to hit rock bottom. by realizing yourself. i realized myself today and felt a sickening thud directed towards my soul. i have never been right. i was always wrong. i felt sick. never in my life did i feel this way. my heart was heavy. it was pulling me down. i had no courage left in me to stand up and fight. i had lost my bout with life. i was knocked out.
i will miss those days of joy...those days in the lane..a place where i could sense the warmth touching my skin. today my instinct took me there....alone.... i felt like an alien. every step i took thundered at the back of my head. the warmth was gone. the sun above me refused to shine on me. my shadow refused to follow me. the mosquitoes who usually made a feast out of me turned their backs on me. i usually abused every bite they took....today i missed em. the grumpy old man who always glares at me did not even glance at me. eyes which never looked at me began to scan me from head 2 toe.....i felt as though i was naked....i felt as though they could see right through me. i hav finally killed myself.
there was nothing wrong left to do. i had screwed up big time. it cant get any worse.i can only move on from here. i can only look up at life. and that i will.......alone.......untill a miracle shakes things up........
i will start from scratch........now
Thursday, August 21, 2008
abs v/s flabs
heartiest congrats to abhinav bindra, vinder kumar n sushil kumar! we're proud of ya!!
my facination for driving reached its epitome when i held the steerin wheel in the prescribed 10-10 position. but my fetish for speed gave my father quite a scare and he never allowed me to take the car for a spin alone. while sitting beside me he usually gave me tips on how to control the car and how to signal the horn.....only when it was necessary and not as a musical instrument. one advice he gave me really caught my attention. never switch lanes. he said avoid switchin lanes and hold ur lane as much as possible. i learnt that quite well with the car. but when you are walkin its a different issue altogether.
they say ur more of a man when ur walking down a street and force the people who are walking towards you to move out of your way (no one has really said that...its just what i think is the way it works) . i actually considered this more of an attitude problem. frankly speakin ive never thought about makin people get out of my way. all these years ive simply strafed away n let the person pass. but my dad's statement caught my mind.
i decided one fine day "raghav..you need some attitude in you...make ur presence felt!! " . ok, fair enough...abhi nahi to kabhi nahi. my inner voice told me that this was the right time to tell the world dat i have finally come to terms with the attrocities that have been commited on me.
i walkin back home from college when i saw a bundle of mass walking towards me. the devil inside told me "haha...common ragz...this is your chance...this is your day!!" i wasnt wearin my glasses so couldnt really see what i was walkin into. anyways..who cares....i wasnt gonna change my lane. HE WAS!! my CGI inspired brain started making calculations.
200mts away :-
subject :: bundle of mass
approx. wieght :: 75 kgs
height :: 4 ft
E.T.A. :: 60 seconds
LOCK TARGET??? :: AFFIRMATIVE
notes:: hah! peice of cake!! ill make this guy fly outta ma way!!
100mts away :-
subject :: larger bundle of mass
approx weight :: 75 kgs
height :: 6'2 (??!!)
E.T.A. :: 30 secs
notes :: HOLY FISH!!! that bludy bundle of mass had jus turned into a greek-goddish sculpted mass of muscle!!! n he was walkin straight towards me!! but m nt scared!! i was giving him my most menacing look! but sadly he dint notice!!
50mts away...
still walkin straight towards me.... he should have seen me by now!!! oh wait a minute!! he must have seen me!! hes jus plain scared to move out of the way!!hahha....he duznt know what hes walking into!! bludy loser!!
25mts away...
walking straight!! "what are you...blind or sumthin!!....switch lanes u idiot!!"
15 mts away....
PLEASE!!!! PLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAASEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
5mts away....
i start my prayers....
IMPACT!!!!
me:: what the fish!! oooooowwwww!
he:: abbe aankhe hai ya button!!
me:: sorry boss.... i couldn hear u cumin (yuck...what on earth was that)
he:: huh?!
me:: sorry dude...by mistake!!
he:: ballz to ur mistake.....ill smash ur glasses ( maybe he got worked up coz he had his girl by his side)
me:: my now clearly shit scared inner voice told me.."WHAT!! you just ram ur iron-abs into my abdomen...on top of that u wanna bash me up!"
he:: abbe dekhta kya hai! kuch bol!!
me:: dekh boss...galti hogayi...sorry....
he:: chup bhe... tu bas ruk idhar.... (n he left my collar for one nano-second...which was enough)
i probably clocked 9.5 for the next 100 mts that i ran....as soon as i was out of his sight....i made it a point...no attitude for me...im better off with maself in one piece!!
as far as the spring goes... here i come Mr.Bolt.
my facination for driving reached its epitome when i held the steerin wheel in the prescribed 10-10 position. but my fetish for speed gave my father quite a scare and he never allowed me to take the car for a spin alone. while sitting beside me he usually gave me tips on how to control the car and how to signal the horn.....only when it was necessary and not as a musical instrument. one advice he gave me really caught my attention. never switch lanes. he said avoid switchin lanes and hold ur lane as much as possible. i learnt that quite well with the car. but when you are walkin its a different issue altogether.
they say ur more of a man when ur walking down a street and force the people who are walking towards you to move out of your way (no one has really said that...its just what i think is the way it works) . i actually considered this more of an attitude problem. frankly speakin ive never thought about makin people get out of my way. all these years ive simply strafed away n let the person pass. but my dad's statement caught my mind.
i decided one fine day "raghav..you need some attitude in you...make ur presence felt!! " . ok, fair enough...abhi nahi to kabhi nahi. my inner voice told me that this was the right time to tell the world dat i have finally come to terms with the attrocities that have been commited on me.
i walkin back home from college when i saw a bundle of mass walking towards me. the devil inside told me "haha...common ragz...this is your chance...this is your day!!" i wasnt wearin my glasses so couldnt really see what i was walkin into. anyways..who cares....i wasnt gonna change my lane. HE WAS!! my CGI inspired brain started making calculations.
200mts away :-
subject :: bundle of mass
approx. wieght :: 75 kgs
height :: 4 ft
E.T.A. :: 60 seconds
LOCK TARGET??? :: AFFIRMATIVE
notes:: hah! peice of cake!! ill make this guy fly outta ma way!!
100mts away :-
subject :: larger bundle of mass
approx weight :: 75 kgs
height :: 6'2 (??!!)
E.T.A. :: 30 secs
notes :: HOLY FISH!!! that bludy bundle of mass had jus turned into a greek-goddish sculpted mass of muscle!!! n he was walkin straight towards me!! but m nt scared!! i was giving him my most menacing look! but sadly he dint notice!!
50mts away...
still walkin straight towards me.... he should have seen me by now!!! oh wait a minute!! he must have seen me!! hes jus plain scared to move out of the way!!hahha....he duznt know what hes walking into!! bludy loser!!
25mts away...
walking straight!! "what are you...blind or sumthin!!....switch lanes u idiot!!"
15 mts away....
PLEASE!!!! PLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAASEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
5mts away....
i start my prayers....
IMPACT!!!!
me:: what the fish!! oooooowwwww!
he:: abbe aankhe hai ya button!!
me:: sorry boss.... i couldn hear u cumin (yuck...what on earth was that)
he:: huh?!
me:: sorry dude...by mistake!!
he:: ballz to ur mistake.....ill smash ur glasses ( maybe he got worked up coz he had his girl by his side)
me:: my now clearly shit scared inner voice told me.."WHAT!! you just ram ur iron-abs into my abdomen...on top of that u wanna bash me up!"
he:: abbe dekhta kya hai! kuch bol!!
me:: dekh boss...galti hogayi...sorry....
he:: chup bhe... tu bas ruk idhar.... (n he left my collar for one nano-second...which was enough)
i probably clocked 9.5 for the next 100 mts that i ran....as soon as i was out of his sight....i made it a point...no attitude for me...im better off with maself in one piece!!
as far as the spring goes... here i come Mr.Bolt.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
a tribute to some1 special...
shes not sum1 i think about through the day.
nor is she some1 i completely ignore.
she is is someone i have secretly admired for a very long time...say 20 years..
she is not some1 who u can call the hip and happening "babe"...
she is not some1 whom u will call de nerd...
she is the newest entrant into the TATA MOTORS PVT LTD family...
...she is my life...she is my breath....she is my death...she is my strength....she is my weakness....she is my sister....
over the past few years....i have seen her going through a transition...sumthing that did her a world of good. u may go around saying that i must be the most loving brother daylight has seen...
ur very very verrrrrrrry wrong....i hate her...she snatchin away my spotlight!!! she always managed to do better than me...in every field but one..... DRIVING!! but im sure she'll be a better one someday or the other. 20 years with her have been hell. we've had wars! for the first few years i have been on the recieving end of her mammoth hands....till i grew in size n she realized dat hittin me wont be a very good idea....
we fought for silly reasons....but never locked each other in the bathroom.... but still managed 2 drive our parents crazy....
i am not shy to admit dat we haven really had our coochie-coo brotherly-sisterly times.... it still pisses me off when she tries to cuddle me as though im a friggin toy!! many people have told me that we should be like friends....like all other siblings... i always wanted 2 give them a reality check.... WE ALREADY ARE LIKE "OTHER SIBLINGS" ..... unless and until the "other siblings" are martians or from pluto or sumthin....
i have never shared stuff with her....never told her my serets.... never told her stuff dat i would like to keep away from mom.... for the simple reason that..... shes this GANDHIAN prodigy!! shes probably heard "main jo bhi kahoonga sach kahoonga...sach ke siva kuch nahi kahoonga" wala dialogue a milion time when she was in my mothers womb....
i mentioned the word prodigy.... dats coz right since school she has excelled.... every award function my sister had this bagfull of certificates... elocution....extempore... etc etc.... the last certificate i got was er.......ummmmmmmm.........cant remember....
academics...she was the boss..... i wasnt even remotely close to her standards...
my parents say dat i have more brains than her....they maybe right... but have never approved of it...coz sumwhr down the line, it downgrades her achievements...
she is this heart of gold...has cared for me in all my horrible times....has prayed for me.... n im sure i haven reciprocated in anyway.... which i knw is very wrong.... for the same reason.... i have always wanted 2 apologize... but never managed 2 put it in words.... trust me... it took me a lot of guts 2 type all this....
im sorry if i have hurt you....but i do love you.... more than anything in this world.... .....yeah but that duznt mean dat ill start sharin my stuff with u....so dont start dreamin abt me offerin u chocolates...i still gobble it up without sharing....
id like to end this post with a biiiiiiiiiiiiig CONGO for gettin ur job....make us proud...im sure u will.....but still...for the heck of it....
with luv...
raghav....
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
parliament bytes.....
for a change, let me discuss a serious issue for once. i was watchin the parliament session yesterday. it was " V-DAY ". the trust vote day for the upa led govt. it was amazing to see that the lok sabha was at full strength yesterday. finding an empty seat was like finding a pin in a stack of hay. so what if we had selfish reasons?? atleast they all came along!!
anyways, i surprised myself when i was able to identify most of the mp's and most of the people frm the opposition by their names and not their attires and accents. manmohan singh, shivraj patil, our dear old lalu, rahul gandhi, sharad pawar , govinda (!?!?!), navjot singh siddhu, pappu yadav,vk malhotra. i could actually place them.
now quite frankly....i wasnt really keen on watchin this. i was taking a nap when it al started. trust me with ur life on this....if ravan had to shake kumbkaran off his slumber...all he had to do was set up a parliament session right inside his ears!! IT WAS ABSOLUTE MAYHEM!!! people from one side...screamin at the people on the other side...it was gettin difficult to decide as to who was supportin whom. spare a thought for good old Somnath Chatterjee....he mus be cursin his stars as to why he dint quit the seat when he had the chance! . till date in his tenure....he was screamin at a people which consited of maybe only a little more dan the required quorum. here he was shoutin at full strength!!! kudoz old man!!! uve won my respect!! i can imagine him behind the safe walls of his house right now...probably enjoyin a quite dinner...without any mp springin up with another "grave" issue... dude....ill sponsor for the aspirins if u want...i really will.
there were certain things that caught my attention in the session. one of them was Rahul Gandhi's speech. something told me that his speech was gonna be something monumental. somthing that would shake things up a bit. if only it could start!!! poor guy had to face sum flak barely after he had started speakin. infact so much flak dat de lok sabha had to adjourned. when he finally did start...he delivered. i was happy to see someone like him on my screen blurtin out words like a machine gun. his speech actually made me think dat...ok this guy can lead my country. many people might oppose me. but thats what i felt. he might not be really well conversant in his hindi...but thats fine. but he was shit nervous!!! so nervous dat he mixed up mrs. kala and mrs mayavati into one mrs kalawati!!!but thats fine again...wad mattered was de speech...a monumental one as promised. i may have missed omar abdullah's speech...hu seemed to be all fired up. heck!! who wasnt!!??!?
by now was sick n tired of all de commotion...i swear...had i been in chatterjee's chair....i wuld have hired bouncers!! but who listens to me anyways...
i really needed a break frm dat noise....but my granddad was hell bent on seein who wuld win. but god finally did listen to me. he sent an angel to my rescue. his name was LALU PRASAD YADAV. trust me with ur life again.... the lok sabha...all of a sudden....had turned into "the great indian comedy show" set ..... i dont think he left a single opposition leader alone. he took leisure in throwin crap at each n evryone of em. the agression dat rahul lacked....lalu delivered... he was hilarious!! ofcourse...he spoke abt evrythin except the N-Deal...but i dun think anyone really bothered!! manmohan singh...sonia gandhi...sharad pwar...somnath chattergee......all were in splits!! so i culdnt really complain to anyone!!
i must say....this "experience"...if i can call it....has really opened my eyes an ears to indian politics...
even though chaotic....it was atleast better dan the session dat are help by the japanese govts.... they practice kung-fu n other such stuff if they get pissed....atleast we restrict ourselves to tables...chairs....n our trusty chappals!!
anyways, i surprised myself when i was able to identify most of the mp's and most of the people frm the opposition by their names and not their attires and accents. manmohan singh, shivraj patil, our dear old lalu, rahul gandhi, sharad pawar , govinda (!?!?!), navjot singh siddhu, pappu yadav,vk malhotra. i could actually place them.
now quite frankly....i wasnt really keen on watchin this. i was taking a nap when it al started. trust me with ur life on this....if ravan had to shake kumbkaran off his slumber...all he had to do was set up a parliament session right inside his ears!! IT WAS ABSOLUTE MAYHEM!!! people from one side...screamin at the people on the other side...it was gettin difficult to decide as to who was supportin whom. spare a thought for good old Somnath Chatterjee....he mus be cursin his stars as to why he dint quit the seat when he had the chance! . till date in his tenure....he was screamin at a people which consited of maybe only a little more dan the required quorum. here he was shoutin at full strength!!! kudoz old man!!! uve won my respect!! i can imagine him behind the safe walls of his house right now...probably enjoyin a quite dinner...without any mp springin up with another "grave" issue... dude....ill sponsor for the aspirins if u want...i really will.
there were certain things that caught my attention in the session. one of them was Rahul Gandhi's speech. something told me that his speech was gonna be something monumental. somthing that would shake things up a bit. if only it could start!!! poor guy had to face sum flak barely after he had started speakin. infact so much flak dat de lok sabha had to adjourned. when he finally did start...he delivered. i was happy to see someone like him on my screen blurtin out words like a machine gun. his speech actually made me think dat...ok this guy can lead my country. many people might oppose me. but thats what i felt. he might not be really well conversant in his hindi...but thats fine. but he was shit nervous!!! so nervous dat he mixed up mrs. kala and mrs mayavati into one mrs kalawati!!!but thats fine again...wad mattered was de speech...a monumental one as promised. i may have missed omar abdullah's speech...hu seemed to be all fired up. heck!! who wasnt!!??!?
by now was sick n tired of all de commotion...i swear...had i been in chatterjee's chair....i wuld have hired bouncers!! but who listens to me anyways...
i really needed a break frm dat noise....but my granddad was hell bent on seein who wuld win. but god finally did listen to me. he sent an angel to my rescue. his name was LALU PRASAD YADAV. trust me with ur life again.... the lok sabha...all of a sudden....had turned into "the great indian comedy show" set ..... i dont think he left a single opposition leader alone. he took leisure in throwin crap at each n evryone of em. the agression dat rahul lacked....lalu delivered... he was hilarious!! ofcourse...he spoke abt evrythin except the N-Deal...but i dun think anyone really bothered!! manmohan singh...sonia gandhi...sharad pwar...somnath chattergee......all were in splits!! so i culdnt really complain to anyone!!
i must say....this "experience"...if i can call it....has really opened my eyes an ears to indian politics...
even though chaotic....it was atleast better dan the session dat are help by the japanese govts.... they practice kung-fu n other such stuff if they get pissed....atleast we restrict ourselves to tables...chairs....n our trusty chappals!!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
no NEWS is sometimes good NEWS......
i am running out of ideas....
running out of ideas to post on my blog....
its probably become a "cob"-website by now.....
im running out of words just like news reporters are running out of news....
i was reading the paper with my dad the other day..n he reads out loud...
"rani mukherjee's NRI frnd's uncle robbed!!!".....
i was like..."ok pops...how do u knw...?? "
"its here on the first page!!" he says as though HE was rani mukherjee's - nri frnds - uncle .....
i started wondering if i knew any celeb
the closest i came 2 was vidya balan hu had come to a wedding in my familia....strange thoughts started darting my mind...."if i get robbed...will i make it to the first page??"
it took a 100 decible scream frm my dad for me to snap out of my front page ambitions...
but still...the kind of news people come up with...its appalling to say the least.
its all about fame i tell ya...its all about fame....if u have an ass that is as famous as any other celeb....u can be assured of instant fame...
Rakhi "yuck" sawant was once in the news big time coz of her "puppy" with mika singh.... now both these guys were in dire need of attention....the WORLD knows what happened on mika's happywala budday party....
see?? thats wad i mean.....i bet even george bush knws dat rakhi sawant cried foul....
rakhi sawant breaks up with boyfrnd...now i dun knw whether if ive got my facts write...but this "boyfrnd" was her bro when she got her famous puppy....yeah he was de same guy hu was standin behind sawant when she was screamin her lungs out on national television....
n then this "boyfrnd" becums a star....shows his dancing skills on a reality show.... n gets himself a name... abhishek"i was there"awasthi....
i cant tell you how badly i wanna be known as a celeb's relative...even if it means i have to be the celeb's uncle's daughters brother's best friend's sister's best friend's uncle's nephew's son!!! cant tell u....
neways....where were we??? yeah....news channels....
a certain India TV seems to belive that the ordinary middle class "junta" has no other job other dan watchin deir outdated...overexagerated... dumb n senseless news...here are a few of the best...i mean worst....
***BREAKING NEWS*** >>> BOY GETS BITTEN BY A DOG....DOG RECUPERATING IN THE HOSPITAL
***BREAKING NEWS*** # 2 >>>BOY PULLS LEAVES OUT OF HIS EARS....i bet hes gaya's son....
***BREAKING NEWS*** # 3 >>> RAKHI SAWANT SLAPS ABHISHEK!!! SPECIAL LIVE REPORTING!!!
***BREAKING NEWS*** # 4 >>> SAI BABA "APPEARS" IIN GENEVA...huh??
***BREAKING NEWS*** # 5 >>> ZAMEEN PHATT RAHI HAI....INDIA TV KE PAAS HAI LIVE VIDEO!! yea rite!!! youtube zindabaad!!!
***BREAKING NEWS*** # 6 >>> BOY DUZNT LIKE TEACHERS POETRY...GETZ BEATEN UP!!!
i mean....dats wads showed on tv these days....
i sumhow bumped into "Ask The SEXPERT" in mumbai mirror one day... minors...please dont read de following few lines....
yea so..this Ask the Sexpert is this column by this hopelessly jobless and depressed soul who feeds upon the sad stories of other people's sex lives......sum questions manage to put u off for the entire week...first of all....dats one cheezy name for a column....i mean...what duz he want to potray himself as?? a sex-crazy maniac?? SEXPERT??? cummon man...couldnt u hav found urself a better name??? and all u guys who actually write to this guy....what on earth were u thinking?!?!?!....ill tell u sumthin...ask ur gf or ur wife the question...they will give u a better answer....gosh!! for christs sake!!!
this is a sincere request to news channels!! stop giving birth to new news channels till the time u have some real NEWS!!! please....thanks.....in the mean time ill try to find out what Rani mukherjee's - nri frnd's - uncle got robbed off....what was it??? his underwear??? his toilet paper??? WHAT WAS IT?!?!?!?!? I WANNA KNOW!!!!
running out of ideas to post on my blog....
its probably become a "cob"-website by now.....
im running out of words just like news reporters are running out of news....
i was reading the paper with my dad the other day..n he reads out loud...
"rani mukherjee's NRI frnd's uncle robbed!!!".....
i was like..."ok pops...how do u knw...?? "
"its here on the first page!!" he says as though HE was rani mukherjee's - nri frnds - uncle .....
i started wondering if i knew any celeb
the closest i came 2 was vidya balan hu had come to a wedding in my familia....strange thoughts started darting my mind...."if i get robbed...will i make it to the first page??"
it took a 100 decible scream frm my dad for me to snap out of my front page ambitions...
but still...the kind of news people come up with...its appalling to say the least.
its all about fame i tell ya...its all about fame....if u have an ass that is as famous as any other celeb....u can be assured of instant fame...
Rakhi "yuck" sawant was once in the news big time coz of her "puppy" with mika singh.... now both these guys were in dire need of attention....the WORLD knows what happened on mika's happywala budday party....
see?? thats wad i mean.....i bet even george bush knws dat rakhi sawant cried foul....
rakhi sawant breaks up with boyfrnd...now i dun knw whether if ive got my facts write...but this "boyfrnd" was her bro when she got her famous puppy....yeah he was de same guy hu was standin behind sawant when she was screamin her lungs out on national television....
n then this "boyfrnd" becums a star....shows his dancing skills on a reality show.... n gets himself a name... abhishek"i was there"awasthi....
i cant tell you how badly i wanna be known as a celeb's relative...even if it means i have to be the celeb's uncle's daughters brother's best friend's sister's best friend's uncle's nephew's son!!! cant tell u....
neways....where were we??? yeah....news channels....
a certain India TV seems to belive that the ordinary middle class "junta" has no other job other dan watchin deir outdated...overexagerated... dumb n senseless news...here are a few of the best...i mean worst....
***BREAKING NEWS*** >>> BOY GETS BITTEN BY A DOG....DOG RECUPERATING IN THE HOSPITAL
***BREAKING NEWS*** # 2 >>>BOY PULLS LEAVES OUT OF HIS EARS....i bet hes gaya's son....
***BREAKING NEWS*** # 3 >>> RAKHI SAWANT SLAPS ABHISHEK!!! SPECIAL LIVE REPORTING!!!
***BREAKING NEWS*** # 4 >>> SAI BABA "APPEARS" IIN GENEVA...huh??
***BREAKING NEWS*** # 5 >>> ZAMEEN PHATT RAHI HAI....INDIA TV KE PAAS HAI LIVE VIDEO!! yea rite!!! youtube zindabaad!!!
***BREAKING NEWS*** # 6 >>> BOY DUZNT LIKE TEACHERS POETRY...GETZ BEATEN UP!!!
i mean....dats wads showed on tv these days....
i sumhow bumped into "Ask The SEXPERT" in mumbai mirror one day... minors...please dont read de following few lines....
yea so..this Ask the Sexpert is this column by this hopelessly jobless and depressed soul who feeds upon the sad stories of other people's sex lives......sum questions manage to put u off for the entire week...first of all....dats one cheezy name for a column....i mean...what duz he want to potray himself as?? a sex-crazy maniac?? SEXPERT??? cummon man...couldnt u hav found urself a better name??? and all u guys who actually write to this guy....what on earth were u thinking?!?!?!....ill tell u sumthin...ask ur gf or ur wife the question...they will give u a better answer....gosh!! for christs sake!!!
this is a sincere request to news channels!! stop giving birth to new news channels till the time u have some real NEWS!!! please....thanks.....in the mean time ill try to find out what Rani mukherjee's - nri frnd's - uncle got robbed off....what was it??? his underwear??? his toilet paper??? WHAT WAS IT?!?!?!?!? I WANNA KNOW!!!!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
a child writes :: Round -20 :: Days I’d rather forget….
Round -20 :: Days I’d rather forget….
Brat duznt remember wad happened after he shifted out of ahmedabad….all he knew was that he was now in bombay….the city of dreams……the city of nightmares if u ask me….
but once brat left gujrat……he ceased to exist…..brat physically existed but his soul was locked down sumwhr near de banks of de narmada
a piece of his soul in the gandiva prototype….a piece of it in his milk bottle which his mum threw away……a piece of it in the helium balloon which should have reached Pluto by now……
A new place…..a new locality…..and a new person altogether……letz name him “introvert”……
Now introvert shifted to Bombay wen he was in the 2nd grade….he joined Vasant vihar high school….and like all kids…..cried on his first day to his new school…..
Now introvert’s mum thot dat ex-brat would becum more responsible in this school and a nice boy…..cant tell u how rong she was…..
II GRADE “D’ division…..de lady at de office said…. with her stained teeth clearly visible….
now introvert was ok till he entered his new class…..now this class was awesum…..snazzy lightings and fans…….evrything dat he sumhow never imagined…..hoping to strike a good rapport with his teacher ….introvert sat on de first bench……now all seems fine right?? RONG!!!! From out of nowhere….a guy twice the size of introvert held him by his collar and threw him to the other side of the room…..
Dazed……introvert…..looked at this guy…..heard him say…..”ABBE EH!!! YEH MERA BENCH HAI!!! KAUNSE CLASS KA HAI TU”
Now introvert….poor guy…..dint know how to react…..and de rivers started to flow frm his eyes……and er…..nose….
Thankfully….introvert’s mum came into dat class dat very moment….
Now this goon was shit scared I tell ya….now he started cryin…..so a very sloppy and sobby start to my school in Bombay……15 mins later…..de teacher came into de class…..MRS.USHA SRINIVASAN…….she wrote on the blackboard……now it wasn’t like I was illiterate or sumthin…..but it took me a while to read dat name…..coz SRINIVASAN luked quite large compared to the PATEL’s and SHAH’s of Gujrat…..introvert thot……..”y is evrythin so huge in
Now for de first time….i actually realized dat I was in a class which also had girls…..eeeeewwwwwwwww!!!! now u mite think how can boyz do without girls…..!!
Well…..again….dats de thing with kids…..girls turn into angels only when we enter our teens……till then theyre evil witches and should be avoided like the flu…..
And de teachers had these dreaded punishments….like standin on the bench with
Ok…..so new students are “supposed” to be well behaved in their first year at skool rite??? Hahahahah wrong!!! Ask me!!! Introvert jus couldn’t adjust to his new skool…..and held the record (still holds it I guess) for having de most number of negative remarks and demerit cards in his calendar!!! A whopping 110!!!! Beat dat!!!
Now all these teachers had a fascination with introvert’s calendar……dey kept on signing and signing and signing!! So he really couldn’t help it……
Nd mind you……introvert was still stoopid and senseless……
Well introverts dad got shit pissed on introvert weneva he had to sign his calendar……he got so used to signin my calendar dat….weneva he had to sign cheques ……the following words always followed……sorry madam, this wont happen again…….
but sumhow introvert preferred dad signing his calendar….dats coz dad would be tired weneva he came frm office n wouldn’t ask to many questions….if introvert gave his calendar to his mum…..mum would call de teacher to apologize. Now dats so embarrassing isn’t it…..
Well introvert had a liking towards dad…….his mum once told him…..he used to sit up all nite and wait for dad till he came back frm dat evil office…..and as soon as he gets a glimpse he would fall asleep……
Now I dun get de point…was this out of affection….or out of sheer fear….like say…..the boogeyman……
But one thing….introvert was a good student till about 8th grade…scoring abv distinction was a cake-walk for introvert…..his dad once challenged introvert…..he told him dat if he got a rank within de first 10….he would buy him a computer….
So there u have it……introvert got his first pc…..dis was in his 5th std…..
But by then introverts sis was goin gung-ho in her studies…..as in better dan introvert….now de teachers wanted introvert to do as well……now this pissed introvert to a great extent…..coz he thot he had his own individuality and his own style of living…..but we wont tok abt my sister as this is my story…my history as mentioned earlier…..so introvert started to shy away frm people….stopped being de crazy old self….he started to isolate himself…..and keep himself away frm the public glare….introverts mom dint mind this coz he did less mischief now…..
But deep inside introvert…..another personality was waiting to come out….as though it was trapped….and bound to chains…..n introvert would want to scream……and he would occasionally scream ….thereby scaring de neighbors out of their homes….
now obviously i aint anywhr a best-selling author...but it still is a herculean task to end sumthing that is close to your heart so abruptly..... but all good things come to an end.... they say u miss school once you are out of it.... i dont...i learnt wat is life when i was out of school...when i entered my teens...when i met people from new places....when i spoke 2 girls!!! i also learnt dat kidz werent born due to antennas fitted on my parents heads!! the reason i narrated those few years of my life is coz i wanted to share it with someone... someone whome i dint know....i think i have somehow managed to do that..... peace.....
a child writes ::ROUND 20 - days to remember....
wen i looked back at my life....i realised dat dere was nuin so special dat has happened....apart frm de fact dat i leaped and scrambled my way into degree college....
it may not be special for YOU....it is for me.....considerin de fact dat i was always a below average student.....me gettin this far is all thanks to divine intervention.....courtesy YOU.....thank u......
so people ask me wad ROUND 20 is all about...er.....no one has really asked me abt it...its me hu has been advertisin abt it (quite mercilessly). anyways....R-20 is sumthing dat commences on the 16th of November 2007.....my birthday.....i call it R-20 coz dat is wen ill be enterin adulthood.....it will be de 20th year of my hopelessly dry life which will be running....hence ROUND 20.....
but i feel R-20 will have a defining impact on my career and personal life.....
my career hasnt really looked up in de past 18 years......not coz ive wasted it.....coz it neva really was for me....rong decisions at rong times had me in a fix....
and to top it all.....extra smart cousins......but ill keep em out of this....coz this is my story.....my history..... a sort of MEIN KAMPF......only thing dat this is in english and a bit more immature dan de original version......
on with our story now.....
There was a boy...lets name him brat.....
Now brat......to be frank....was a very intelligent and witty....err.......ummmmm......brat??
anyways.....brat in his childhood days (age :4yrs) was de pearl of his mother's eyes....he still is....but we'll cum to tat later....
so brat spent his childhood in bharuch and ahmedabad....de only thing worthwhile on TV in dose days was MAHABHARAT......no F.R.I.E.N.D.S....no dragon ball z....no T-20 cricket....
But believe me....brat would have enjoyed mahabharat more than all dese TV shows even if dey were relayed in those times....
so brat used to move around in his undies in and out of bharuch with a bow and an arrow....{{those were de days of ur childhood.....u dun care about de world....ur not conscious of hus lukin at u.....}}
and brat had this huge pillow which was his horse....so brat wud jus sit on it and start rainin imaginary arrows frm his imaginary GANDIVA and shoot down de bad guys on duryodhan's side (yeah....brat was an ARJUN fan in dose days and was shit afraid of duryodhan!).....brat also had this lil scooter (the one hrithik had in krish)....brat used this scooter to zip around bharuch.... and woo de girls......and to stone the monkeys....brat liked this scooter of his a lot.....and even made it look like a chariot......had an umbrella fitted on its butt......and all sots of crazy things.....
brat knew each n evry alley of bharuch so well dat brat's dad used to ask him for directions....
this worried brats mum a lot....coz brat would go missing evry now n then.....and be sumwhr in bharuch with his GANDIVA prototype......
but brats mum dint need to worry much.....coz dere was a girls skool nearby......and de girls would jus cum home n tell mum dat brat was near de river (river narmada behind our house) now brats mum wouldnt have worried if he was near de skool (yeah brat was a huge hit with de girls....de girls luved to pull brat's cheeks) anyways.....mum was shit petrified wen told dat brat was near de narmada.....
mum ran so fast dat she would have given P.T. usha de creeps.......wen she reached de banks she saw brat sitin on a rock doin his own stoopid stuff.....she took him home and gave him sum nice good kharcha-paani.....
now brat was like kid Lord Krishna.......luved to trouble his mom....
he would make it a point to fall into trouble atleast once in a day.....no make dat once in an hour....and get de punishment for de same at de same rate.....sumtimes.....2 times de rate....
den Ramanand Sagar's Ramayana came into brats life.....same old story....bows and arrows......but with added flavour!!!! MONKEYS!!!!
yeah....bharuch was a home for monkeys.....and deadly langoors too.....now langoors arent bad....deyre jus a bit psychotic.....luved to gobble up kids.......brat dint know y.....now brat used to watch ramayana a lot....and was crazy about Hanuman.....so he blackmailed his parents into gettin him a mace....(he stopped drinkin his milk and started feedin it back to de cows) ... brat started to adorn himself like Hanuman.....like a tail jutting out of his pants....(yeah brat had started to wear his pants jus to fix dat tail)
so one fine day....mum was busy cookin in de kitchen and it was time for brat to drink his milk....mum called out to brat....but brat said dat he was playin.....now mum was a bit surprised at dis answere....coz mum used to give biscuits along with milk which brat luved....and nuin in this world could seperate brat frm his biscuits....so mum went to chk on wad brat was doing....wen she went out of de house....brat was surrounded by langoors....mum froze....but brat was so damn comfy with dose monkeys....y u ask.....coz brat had a tail and he pretty much luked like a langoor himself....anyways jokes apart....mum sumhow called out to brat and using brats fav biscuits lured him back into de house.....and as usual....gave him sum more kharcha-paani .......along with his fav biscuit and milk ofcourse....
dat way....brat has had a lot of kharcha-paani.....broken a lot of cycles n scooters....brat still recollects goin to de market with his dad to buy wheels for his scooter.....
brat duznt really remember wad happened after all of his escapades.....brats dad had an evil boss (i mean....which boss isnt??)....but this boss was like...real evil....he dint let brats dad attend his dad's funeral.....brat would have thumped him with his mace had he known.....but brat was senseless n stoopid in those days....so no issues.....shortly therafter....dad resigned frm dat evil company n joined sumwhr else....sumwhr in ahmedabad.....
now i dont really remember wad happened dere.....but i do know for one thing.....brat had a seriosu attack of malaria bang in the middle of de shift....brats mum used to make him drink crocin evry now n then...brat hated it.....n would spit it out in return for sum kharcha-paani......still it dint work.....so brats mum bought him a ferarri f-50....a miniature version ofcourse and used to show it to him evry time he had to drink medicine....
so there u go...tata bubye gandiva and mace.....brat had shaken hands with cars....a nightmare for brats dad.....brat made him buy a new car evry now n then..... n brats mum would smile.....
now brat was a loner in those days.....he dint have any frnds....and all de girls frm de girls skool in bharuch werent dere either....
brats maternal grand parents had cum over to ahmedabad to stay....one de day of their arrival brats granddad bought him a baloon.....
now this balloon was special...it wasn’t ordinary....it was a helium balloon....brat dint know this then....he thot it was a normal baloon n would jus stay with him all along.....but for a split second brat made de mistake of lettin it go....n de balloon flew away.....brat looked towards de sky till he lost sight of de balloon.....brat had got his first science lesson.....helium baloons fly away! boo-hoo! brat cried a lot that day....it took sum more kharcha-paani to shut him up.......
thats probably the last thing i remember about brat's life in gujrat.... i think brat just wouldnt leave gujrat...even in life threatening circumstances....remembering this much about his life itself was a pain.... over to mumbai now
Monday, June 16, 2008
weighty issues!!!
a debut post and a few compliments later (also a few comments later...viz. stop using those frigging dots every now n then!!! so what if they are free!!) , here i sit.....clueless as to what next.....i asked my heart..."dont ask me!! im as blank as u are!!" wasnt exactly the reply i expected.
anyways i am obviously very excited about this whole blogging thingy and all the charisma surrounding it...like big movie stars starting their own blogs...so i thought ... not a bad time to start a blog....but i missed on one very important point...the content!!! what do i fill in here!?!?
naturally i was clueless for a major part of my time dedicated to blogging....
but finally i got it....its a small little piece of crap i wrote ages back.....maybe on my 20th birthday...
i was in this rebellious mode on that particular day.... and so confident dat i could burn down anything just by looking at it...i could feel the fire building up within me.....now i wasnt really sure what this was....an upset tummy or a hunger to succeed in life....anyways here is dat piece of crap i wrote....
i walk through the street.....
that bears and empty n forlorn look....
de lamps flicker.....
makin my soul jitter......
sumwhr behind de bush.....
de reaper prepares for an ambush.....
i know the time has come.....
but ragz wont give in without a fite to dat hopeless scum..
farewell world...is not wat m gonna say....
as de date for round 20 cums near....
i bid farewell to my fear
a new begining.....
a new inning.....
as YOU shinedown on me....
i pray to u.....
give me strength...
dont give me bags of good luck.....
give me de will to shove off truckloads of bad luck.....
ohk...here the lyrics were crappy.....language was sad to say the least...... and de plot??? well....my effort to please god n pleading him to finally give me my share of luck.....
anyways this thing really got me fired up that day...i started looking at my career options....for a change and much to the pleasure of my mom.... mba was out...coz my frnd gaurav started his CAT classes and he hasnt been the same since..... then a dialogue frm my fav muvi character came to my mind
"hey rocky...how come u became a boxer....
yo adrian...my old guy once said ya knw....u dont have much of a brain so start using your body"
i looked at myself....
hmmmmm ok ive got quite a nice built.....how about i join the army...seemed like a good career option coz i was quite a patriot...i mean i still am....
i told my frnds abt it....they must have laughed for abt a week or so....but i was adamant.....till now i.e.
i told u about my built right?? hmmmm
i wanted to check my weight recently....so i jus decided to use those re.1 weighing machines at all those railway stations (We Indians can do anything to earn a buck!! ANYTHING!! i spoke about a gujju brain dint i?? )
so i jus hopped on one...put the coin inside....a second later....the machine started groaning uneasily.... a few huffs n puffs later....it spat out a card.... "krupya machine pe ek-ek karke khade hojaye"
crap!!! that felt like crap!! i culdv picked up that machine n hurled it to hawaii....but i dont really blame the machine..... i went home n chked myself in the mirror.... the well built guy had suprisingly transformed into snehashish from roadies 5.0.... i was HUUUUUUUUGE! i almost gave that machine a heart attack....!!
so due 2 obvious reasons....army was out too.....now im on the hunt for another career option....one of them being a certain CIA exam...which my uncle recommended.... wad the heck! if i clear i can go to dubai....so i think its worth a try....there are many others on the list...and the army is still on....i keep listentin to desh-bhakti ke gaane jus to ensure that the craze duznt fizz out....
so...now.....another post later...her i am.....still waitin for mr.god to switch on my stars....
while he is at it...i think ill keep ponderin over my career.....i shud cum up with sumthin....
p.s. please dont sue me if the post dint make sense....its not my fault...sacchi....even excuse the minor n major spelling mistakes....i make a lousy editor!!!
anyways i am obviously very excited about this whole blogging thingy and all the charisma surrounding it...like big movie stars starting their own blogs...so i thought ... not a bad time to start a blog....but i missed on one very important point...the content!!! what do i fill in here!?!?
naturally i was clueless for a major part of my time dedicated to blogging....
but finally i got it....its a small little piece of crap i wrote ages back.....maybe on my 20th birthday...
i was in this rebellious mode on that particular day.... and so confident dat i could burn down anything just by looking at it...i could feel the fire building up within me.....now i wasnt really sure what this was....an upset tummy or a hunger to succeed in life....anyways here is dat piece of crap i wrote....
i walk through the street.....
that bears and empty n forlorn look....
de lamps flicker.....
makin my soul jitter......
sumwhr behind de bush.....
de reaper prepares for an ambush.....
i know the time has come.....
but ragz wont give in without a fite to dat hopeless scum..
farewell world...is not wat m gonna say....
as de date for round 20 cums near....
i bid farewell to my fear
a new begining.....
a new inning.....
as YOU shinedown on me....
i pray to u.....
give me strength...
dont give me bags of good luck.....
give me de will to shove off truckloads of bad luck.....
ohk...here the lyrics were crappy.....language was sad to say the least...... and de plot??? well....my effort to please god n pleading him to finally give me my share of luck.....
anyways this thing really got me fired up that day...i started looking at my career options....for a change and much to the pleasure of my mom.... mba was out...coz my frnd gaurav started his CAT classes and he hasnt been the same since..... then a dialogue frm my fav muvi character came to my mind
"hey rocky...how come u became a boxer....
yo adrian...my old guy once said ya knw....u dont have much of a brain so start using your body"
i looked at myself....
hmmmmm ok ive got quite a nice built.....how about i join the army...seemed like a good career option coz i was quite a patriot...i mean i still am....
i told my frnds abt it....they must have laughed for abt a week or so....but i was adamant.....till now i.e.
i told u about my built right?? hmmmm
i wanted to check my weight recently....so i jus decided to use those re.1 weighing machines at all those railway stations (We Indians can do anything to earn a buck!! ANYTHING!! i spoke about a gujju brain dint i?? )
so i jus hopped on one...put the coin inside....a second later....the machine started groaning uneasily.... a few huffs n puffs later....it spat out a card.... "krupya machine pe ek-ek karke khade hojaye"
crap!!! that felt like crap!! i culdv picked up that machine n hurled it to hawaii....but i dont really blame the machine..... i went home n chked myself in the mirror.... the well built guy had suprisingly transformed into snehashish from roadies 5.0.... i was HUUUUUUUUGE! i almost gave that machine a heart attack....!!
so due 2 obvious reasons....army was out too.....now im on the hunt for another career option....one of them being a certain CIA exam...which my uncle recommended.... wad the heck! if i clear i can go to dubai....so i think its worth a try....there are many others on the list...and the army is still on....i keep listentin to desh-bhakti ke gaane jus to ensure that the craze duznt fizz out....
so...now.....another post later...her i am.....still waitin for mr.god to switch on my stars....
while he is at it...i think ill keep ponderin over my career.....i shud cum up with sumthin....
p.s. please dont sue me if the post dint make sense....its not my fault...sacchi....even excuse the minor n major spelling mistakes....i make a lousy editor!!!
Sunday, June 15, 2008
when your lips move towars the north.....
ok...the main reason i started this blog thing is coz every1 is doin it.... this might jus be my first ...and last post.... the problem with me is...everytime i think of sumthin to rite...it just about remains a thot...coz im too lazy to put it down on paper...or on my monitor...
about me well... cant say really.... i am this hazardous mixture of a south-indian middle class boy....with a gujju brain...and a punjabi tongue....now thats not exactly wat u will coz a "bingo" combination.... i am a chappal with laces..... superman with his undies on his inside......not a pretty sight na....i knw...i am not overtly ambitious....but i am to an extent.... in other words...i am like every other man....every man wants sumthing in life...its jus dat i want it a bit more than them...nothing rong in that....
there are times in life when u want something so bad, that u are ready to go the full distance jus to get it....i havent cum across such a thing till now...lets jus hope i dont...
writing wasnt sumthin i fancied coz i never really thot i could write....writing jus happened by chance...i was bored...picked up a piece of paper and a pen...n i think i wrote some thing funny..
the only thing i can pull off while writing is humour....serious, romantic, dark stuf is a complete no-no for me
the one thing i can proudly talk abt is my ability to convert pain into humour...it is something i have mastered over the years...i have faced hell in my life....wars with my sister.... silly fights with my frnds....a troubled lovelife.....troubled love-"lives" u can say....hell!! i can give britney spears a run for her money with my 1 day relationships....i have seen it all...or atleast...most of it....but i have survived each n every one of those little and major set-backs with relative ease.... all thanks to a small little thing called.....the smile >>--> :-)...yea that one...
it can do wonders actually.... my frnd once came to me with a problem....she was sobbin n stuff.....i jus told her....when u frown...u are using up about 40-50 muscles to frown....but when u smile ...u hardly strain 10 of em.... yea it is pretty tough to smile when u are down and out.... but once u get a hang of it....its a cakewalk.....trust me....
i have had atleast a 1000 such instances when i have had my arse whipped by life....but got through it with a smile...n i will continue to do so till i achieve everything i want...
when you go through hell....its tough....but never should u stop....coz once u do...u burn ur bum...so jus keep moving ahead as fast as you can....de faster u move...de faster u learn....
yea...maybe all dat i have said maybe soundin a bit too philosophical.....but thats me.... THE KING OF CONTRADICTIONS!!! even i went against my own rules once....i was contempating suicide........was thinkin of the easiest n less painful of committing suicide.... i shortlisted on 3 ways
1) hangin myself frm de ceiling fan
2)drinkin sum baygon or mortein or wtv u call it
3) jumpin of the 10th floor of the building
sumhow all 3 dint seem really realistic n cool.... reasons...
1) hanging myself - i said to myself...cummon dude...your about 160 lbs.....y do u want to punish de fan for sumthin u have done...
2)naah ill save it for the bugs
3)what if i jump...n half way down i change my mind...oops.... too late spider-man......
then a simple...smart and cheap method of suicide came to my mind..... THE MENTOS
EFFECT...but even that dint work....
i bought a handfull of mentos' and a 2ltre bottle of coke.... by the time i had finished de bottle of coke...it was time for me 2 head 2 the loo.... bad decision i must say.... so even that dint work...n i jus gave up on suicide.....
on a more serious note.... suicide aint really cool....it takes courage to commit suicide too....
so heres my message 2 all those kids who are expecting their boards results....relax....suicide wont do the trick....all u have to do is enjoy the moment..... if u fail....u fail...life WILL give u a second chance.... this is from a guy hu has had about 20 such 2nd chances....so relax.(oh n yea....it doesnt mean u take it for granted!! dont come to me if u fail even on the 21st attempt!!)...trust your luck...dont curse it...peace
about me well... cant say really.... i am this hazardous mixture of a south-indian middle class boy....with a gujju brain...and a punjabi tongue....now thats not exactly wat u will coz a "bingo" combination.... i am a chappal with laces..... superman with his undies on his inside......not a pretty sight na....i knw...i am not overtly ambitious....but i am to an extent.... in other words...i am like every other man....every man wants sumthing in life...its jus dat i want it a bit more than them...nothing rong in that....
there are times in life when u want something so bad, that u are ready to go the full distance jus to get it....i havent cum across such a thing till now...lets jus hope i dont...
writing wasnt sumthin i fancied coz i never really thot i could write....writing jus happened by chance...i was bored...picked up a piece of paper and a pen...n i think i wrote some thing funny..
the only thing i can pull off while writing is humour....serious, romantic, dark stuf is a complete no-no for me
the one thing i can proudly talk abt is my ability to convert pain into humour...it is something i have mastered over the years...i have faced hell in my life....wars with my sister.... silly fights with my frnds....a troubled lovelife.....troubled love-"lives" u can say....hell!! i can give britney spears a run for her money with my 1 day relationships....i have seen it all...or atleast...most of it....but i have survived each n every one of those little and major set-backs with relative ease.... all thanks to a small little thing called.....the smile >>--> :-)...yea that one...
it can do wonders actually.... my frnd once came to me with a problem....she was sobbin n stuff.....i jus told her....when u frown...u are using up about 40-50 muscles to frown....but when u smile ...u hardly strain 10 of em.... yea it is pretty tough to smile when u are down and out.... but once u get a hang of it....its a cakewalk.....trust me....
i have had atleast a 1000 such instances when i have had my arse whipped by life....but got through it with a smile...n i will continue to do so till i achieve everything i want...
when you go through hell....its tough....but never should u stop....coz once u do...u burn ur bum...so jus keep moving ahead as fast as you can....de faster u move...de faster u learn....
yea...maybe all dat i have said maybe soundin a bit too philosophical.....but thats me.... THE KING OF CONTRADICTIONS!!! even i went against my own rules once....i was contempating suicide........was thinkin of the easiest n less painful of committing suicide.... i shortlisted on 3 ways
1) hangin myself frm de ceiling fan
2)drinkin sum baygon or mortein or wtv u call it
3) jumpin of the 10th floor of the building
sumhow all 3 dint seem really realistic n cool.... reasons...
1) hanging myself - i said to myself...cummon dude...your about 160 lbs.....y do u want to punish de fan for sumthin u have done...
2)naah ill save it for the bugs
3)what if i jump...n half way down i change my mind...oops.... too late spider-man......
then a simple...smart and cheap method of suicide came to my mind..... THE MENTOS
EFFECT...but even that dint work....
i bought a handfull of mentos' and a 2ltre bottle of coke.... by the time i had finished de bottle of coke...it was time for me 2 head 2 the loo.... bad decision i must say.... so even that dint work...n i jus gave up on suicide.....
on a more serious note.... suicide aint really cool....it takes courage to commit suicide too....
so heres my message 2 all those kids who are expecting their boards results....relax....suicide wont do the trick....all u have to do is enjoy the moment..... if u fail....u fail...life WILL give u a second chance.... this is from a guy hu has had about 20 such 2nd chances....so relax.(oh n yea....it doesnt mean u take it for granted!! dont come to me if u fail even on the 21st attempt!!)...trust your luck...dont curse it...peace
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