fading.....

i looked at myself in the mirror
looked on and on
i was looking for myself
i couldnt find my reflection
all i could see was
a scarred soul
a black heart
i could find no remorse
the brightness had faded
the life in me had faded
all i could see was
a beast
a devilish smirk
a soul gone beserk

i was feeling cold.i was dying. my heart had blackened. i had scarred my soul. i had killed myself. i had murdered myself. in my quest to discover peace and fame i sunk lower and lower. i dreamt of hittin rock-bottom. i dreamt of hittin the lowest point in life. till i realized that life was a bottomless pit. u keep falling and falling. i kept on commiting sins hoping to hit sumthing. i dint.

today i realized....what a twat ive been. i realized what goes around trully comes around. i saw those affected by me slicing my heart and hittin me square on the chest. i realized...life was never unfair to me..it was me who dint make the most of it. today i realized how to hit rock bottom. by realizing yourself. i realized myself today and felt a sickening thud directed towards my soul. i have never been right. i was always wrong. i felt sick. never in my life did i feel this way. my heart was heavy. it was pulling me down. i had no courage left in me to stand up and fight. i had lost my bout with life. i was knocked out.

i will miss those days of joy...those days in the lane..a place where i could sense the warmth touching my skin. today my instinct took me there....alone.... i felt like an alien. every step i took thundered at the back of my head. the warmth was gone. the sun above me refused to shine on me. my shadow refused to follow me. the mosquitoes who usually made a feast out of me turned their backs on me. i usually abused every bite they took....today i missed em. the grumpy old man who always glares at me did not even glance at me. eyes which never looked at me began to scan me from head 2 toe.....i felt as though i was naked....i felt as though they could see right through me. i hav finally killed myself.

there was nothing wrong left to do. i had screwed up big time. it cant get any worse.i can only move on from here. i can only look up at life. and that i will.......alone.......untill a miracle shakes things up........
i will start from scratch........now