a child writes :: Round -20 :: Days I’d rather forget….

Round -20 :: Days I’d rather forget….

Brat duznt remember wad happened after he shifted out of ahmedabad….all he knew was that he was now in bombay….the city of dreams……the city of nightmares if u ask me….

but once brat left gujrat……he ceased to exist…..brat physically existed but his soul was locked down sumwhr near de banks of de narmada
a piece of his soul in the gandiva prototype….a piece of it in his milk bottle which his mum threw away……a piece of it in the helium balloon which should have reached Pluto by now……

A new place…..a new locality…..and a new person altogether……letz name him “introvert”……

Now introvert shifted to Bombay wen he was in the 2^nd grade….he joined Vasant vihar high school….and like all kids…..cried on his first day to his new school…..

Now introvert’s mum thot dat ex-brat would becum more responsible in this school and a nice boy…..cant tell u how rong she was…..

II GRADE “D’ division…..de lady at de office said…. with her stained teeth clearly visible….

now introvert was ok till he entered his new class…..now this class was awesum…..snazzy lightings and fans…….evrything dat he sumhow never imagined…..hoping to strike a good rapport with his teacher ….introvert sat on de first bench……now all seems fine right?? RONG!!!! From out of nowhere….a guy twice the size of introvert held him by his collar and threw him to the other side of the room…..

Dazed……introvert…..looked at this guy…..heard him say…..”ABBE EH!!! YEH MERA BENCH HAI!!! KAUNSE CLASS KA HAI TU”

Now introvert….poor guy…..dint know how to react…..and de rivers started to flow frm his eyes……and er…..nose….

Thankfully….introvert’s mum came into dat class dat very moment….

Now this goon was shit scared I tell ya….now he started cryin…..so a very sloppy and sobby start to my school in Bombay……15 mins later…..de teacher came into de class…..MRS.USHA SRINIVASAN…….she wrote on the blackboard……now it wasn’t like I was illiterate or sumthin…..but it took me a while to read dat name…..coz SRINIVASAN luked quite large compared to the PATEL’s and SHAH’s of Gujrat…..introvert thot……..”y is evrythin so huge in Bombay?” …….yeah….huge classes…..huge goons…..huge teachers with huge names…..and funny names…..pampa….godbole…honmone…kriplani …. not to forget my princi….falcow or falcao or falcon…wtv it was ..and other such funny stuff……we neva really called em by deir names so its fine……

Now for de first time….i actually realized dat I was in a class which also had girls…..eeeeewwwwwwwww!!!! now u mite think how can boyz do without girls…..!!

Well…..again….dats de thing with kids…..girls turn into angels only when we enter our teens……till then theyre evil witches and should be avoided like the flu…..

And de teachers had these dreaded punishments….like standin on the bench with ur hands raised in the air…..and standin outside de class…..or even sittin like a duck with de whole class shoutin “shame shame”….crap! how I hated all my teachers!!!

Ok…..so new students are “supposed” to be well behaved in their first year at skool rite??? Hahahahah wrong!!! Ask me!!! Introvert jus couldn’t adjust to his new skool…..and held the record (still holds it I guess) for having de most number of negative remarks and demerit cards in his calendar!!! A whopping 110!!!! Beat dat!!!

Now all these teachers had a fascination with introvert’s calendar……dey kept on signing and signing and signing!! So he really couldn’t help it……

Nd mind you……introvert was still stoopid and senseless……

Well introverts dad got shit pissed on introvert weneva he had to sign his calendar……he got so used to signin my calendar dat….weneva he had to sign cheques ……the following words always followed……sorry madam, this wont happen again…….

but sumhow introvert preferred dad signing his calendar….dats coz dad would be tired weneva he came frm office n wouldn’t ask to many questions….if introvert gave his calendar to his mum…..mum would call de teacher to apologize. Now dats so embarrassing isn’t it…..

Well introvert had a liking towards dad…….his mum once told him…..he used to sit up all nite and wait for dad till he came back frm dat evil office…..and as soon as he gets a glimpse he would fall asleep……

Now I dun get de point…was this out of affection….or out of sheer fear….like say…..the boogeyman……

But one thing….introvert was a good student till about 8^th grade…scoring abv distinction was a cake-walk for introvert…..his dad once challenged introvert…..he told him dat if he got a rank within de first 10….he would buy him a computer….

So there u have it……introvert got his first pc…..dis was in his 5^th std…..

But by then introverts sis was goin gung-ho in her studies…..as in better dan introvert….now de teachers wanted introvert to do as well……now this pissed introvert to a great extent…..coz he thot he had his own individuality and his own style of living…..but we wont tok abt my sister as this is my story…my history as mentioned earlier…..so introvert started to shy away frm people….stopped being de crazy old self….he started to isolate himself…..and keep himself away frm the public glare….introverts mom dint mind this coz he did less mischief now…..

But deep inside introvert…..another personality was waiting to come out….as though it was trapped….and bound to chains…..n introvert would want to scream……and he would occasionally scream ….thereby scaring de neighbors out of their homes….

i once read sumwhr dat j.k.rowling found it really tough to end her best-selling series...
now obviously i aint anywhr a best-selling author...but it still is a herculean task to end sumthing that is close to your heart so abruptly..... but all good things come to an end.... they say u miss school once you are out of it.... i dont...i learnt wat is life when i was out of school...when i entered my teens...when i met people from new places....when i spoke 2 girls!!! i also learnt dat kidz werent born due to antennas fitted on my parents heads!! the reason i narrated those few years of my life is coz i wanted to share it with someone... someone whome i dint know....i think i have somehow managed to do that..... peace.....

a child writes ::ROUND 20 - days to remember....

wen i looked back at my life....i realised dat dere was nuin so special dat has happened....apart frm de fact dat i leaped and scrambled my way into degree college....

it may not be special for YOU....it is for me.....considerin de fact dat i was always a below average student.....me gettin this far is all thanks to divine intervention.....courtesy YOU.....thank u......

so people ask me wad ROUND 20 is all about...er.....no one has really asked me abt it...its me hu has been advertisin abt it (quite mercilessly). anyways....R-20 is sumthing dat commences on the 16th of November 2007.....my birthday.....i call it R-20 coz dat is wen ill be enterin adulthood.....it will be de 20th year of my hopelessly dry life which will be running....hence ROUND 20.....

but i feel R-20 will have a defining impact on my career and personal life.....

my career hasnt really looked up in de past 18 years......not coz ive wasted it.....coz it neva really was for me....rong decisions at rong times had me in a fix....

and to top it all.....extra smart cousins......but ill keep em out of this....coz this is my story.....my history..... a sort of MEIN KAMPF......only thing dat this is in english and a bit more immature dan de original version......

on with our story now.....

There was a boy...lets name him brat.....

Now brat......to be frank....was a very intelligent and witty....err.......ummmmm......brat??

anyways.....brat in his childhood days (age :4yrs) was de pearl of his mother's eyes....he still is....but we'll cum to tat later....

so brat spent his childhood in bharuch and ahmedabad....de only thing worthwhile on TV in dose days was MAHABHARAT......no F.R.I.E.N.D.S....no dragon ball z....no T-20 cricket....

But believe me....brat would have enjoyed mahabharat more than all dese TV shows even if dey were relayed in those times....

so brat used to move around in his undies in and out of bharuch with a bow and an arrow....{{those were de days of ur childhood.....u dun care about de world....ur not conscious of hus lukin at u.....}}

and brat had this huge pillow which was his horse....so brat wud jus sit on it and start rainin imaginary arrows frm his imaginary GANDIVA and shoot down de bad guys on duryodhan's side (yeah....brat was an ARJUN fan in dose days and was shit afraid of duryodhan!).....brat also had this lil scooter (the one hrithik had in krish)....brat used this scooter to zip around bharuch.... and woo de girls......and to stone the monkeys....brat liked this scooter of his a lot.....and even made it look like a chariot......had an umbrella fitted on its butt......and all sots of crazy things.....

brat knew each n evry alley of bharuch so well dat brat's dad used to ask him for directions....

this worried brats mum a lot....coz brat would go missing evry now n then.....and be sumwhr in bharuch with his GANDIVA prototype......

but brats mum dint need to worry much.....coz dere was a girls skool nearby......and de girls would jus cum home n tell mum dat brat was near de river (river narmada behind our house) now brats mum wouldnt have worried if he was near de skool (yeah brat was a huge hit with de girls....de girls luved to pull brat's cheeks) anyways.....mum was shit petrified wen told dat brat was near de narmada.....

mum ran so fast dat she would have given P.T. usha de creeps.......wen she reached de banks she saw brat sitin on a rock doin his own stoopid stuff.....she took him home and gave him sum nice good kharcha-paani.....

now brat was like kid Lord Krishna.......luved to trouble his mom....

he would make it a point to fall into trouble atleast once in a day.....no make dat once in an hour....and get de punishment for de same at de same rate.....sumtimes.....2 times de rate....

den Ramanand Sagar's Ramayana came into brats life.....same old story....bows and arrows......but with added flavour!!!! MONKEYS!!!!

yeah....bharuch was a home for monkeys.....and deadly langoors too.....now langoors arent bad....deyre jus a bit psychotic.....luved to gobble up kids.......brat dint know y.....now brat used to watch ramayana a lot....and was crazy about Hanuman.....so he blackmailed his parents into gettin him a mace....(he stopped drinkin his milk and started feedin it back to de cows) ... brat started to adorn himself like Hanuman.....like a tail jutting out of his pants....(yeah brat had started to wear his pants jus to fix dat tail)

so one fine day....mum was busy cookin in de kitchen and it was time for brat to drink his milk....mum called out to brat....but brat said dat he was playin.....now mum was a bit surprised at dis answere....coz mum used to give biscuits along with milk which brat luved....and nuin in this world could seperate brat frm his biscuits....so mum went to chk on wad brat was doing....wen she went out of de house....brat was surrounded by langoors....mum froze....but brat was so damn comfy with dose monkeys....y u ask.....coz brat had a tail and he pretty much luked like a langoor himself....anyways jokes apart....mum sumhow called out to brat and using brats fav biscuits lured him back into de house.....and as usual....gave him sum more kharcha-paani .......along with his fav biscuit and milk ofcourse....

dat way....brat has had a lot of kharcha-paani.....broken a lot of cycles n scooters....brat still recollects goin to de market with his dad to buy wheels for his scooter.....

brat duznt really remember wad happened after all of his escapades.....brats dad had an evil boss (i mean....which boss isnt??)....but this boss was like...real evil....he dint let brats dad attend his dad's funeral.....brat would have thumped him with his mace had he known.....but brat was senseless n stoopid in those days....so no issues.....shortly therafter....dad resigned frm dat evil company n joined sumwhr else....sumwhr in ahmedabad.....

now i dont really remember wad happened dere.....but i do know for one thing.....brat had a seriosu attack of malaria bang in the middle of de shift....brats mum used to make him drink crocin evry now n then...brat hated it.....n would spit it out in return for sum kharcha-paani......still it dint work.....so brats mum bought him a ferarri f-50....a miniature version ofcourse and used to show it to him evry time he had to drink medicine....

so there u go...tata bubye gandiva and mace.....brat had shaken hands with cars....a nightmare for brats dad.....brat made him buy a new car evry now n then..... n brats mum would smile.....

now brat was a loner in those days.....he dint have any frnds....and all de girls frm de girls skool in bharuch werent dere either....

brats maternal grand parents had cum over to ahmedabad to stay....one de day of their arrival brats granddad bought him a baloon.....

now this balloon was special...it wasn’t ordinary....it was a helium balloon....brat dint know this then....he thot it was a normal baloon n would jus stay with him all along.....but for a split second brat made de mistake of lettin it go....n de balloon flew away.....brat looked towards de sky till he lost sight of de balloon.....brat had got his first science lesson.....helium baloons fly away! boo-hoo! brat cried a lot that day....it took sum more kharcha-paani to shut him up.......

thats probably the last thing i remember about brat's life in gujrat.... i think brat just wouldnt leave gujrat...even in life threatening circumstances....remembering this much about his life itself was a pain.... over to mumbai now

weighty issues!!!

a debut post and a few compliments later (also a few comments later...viz. stop using those frigging dots every now n then!!! so what if they are free!!) , here i sit.....clueless as to what next.....i asked my heart..."dont ask me!! im as blank as u are!!" wasnt exactly the reply i expected.
anyways i am obviously very excited about this whole blogging thingy and all the charisma surrounding it...like big movie stars starting their own blogs...so i thought ... not a bad time to start a blog....but i missed on one very important point...the content!!! what do i fill in here!?!?
naturally i was clueless for a major part of my time dedicated to blogging....
but finally i got it....its a small little piece of crap i wrote ages back.....maybe on my 20th birthday...
i was in this rebellious mode on that particular day.... and so confident dat i could burn down anything just by looking at it...i could feel the fire building up within me.....now i wasnt really sure what this was....an upset tummy or a hunger to succeed in life....anyways here is dat piece of crap i wrote....
i walk through the street.....
that bears and empty n forlorn look....

de lamps flicker.....
makin my soul jitter......

sumwhr behind de bush.....
de reaper prepares for an ambush.....

i know the time has come.....
but ragz wont give in without a fite to dat hopeless scum..

farewell world...is not wat m gonna say....
as de date for round 20 cums near....
i bid farewell to my fear

a new begining.....
a new inning.....
as YOU shinedown on me....
i pray to u.....
give me strength...
dont give me bags of good luck.....
give me de will to shove off truckloads of bad luck.....

ohk...here the lyrics were crappy.....language was sad to say the least...... and de plot??? well....my effort to please god n pleading him to finally give me my share of luck.....
anyways this thing really got me fired up that day...i started looking at my career options....for a change and much to the pleasure of my mom.... mba was out...coz my frnd gaurav started his CAT classes and he hasnt been the same since..... then a dialogue frm my fav muvi character came to my mind
"hey rocky...how come u became a boxer....
yo adrian...my old guy once said ya knw....u dont have much of a brain so start using your body"

i looked at myself....
hmmmmm ok ive got quite a nice built.....how about i join the army...seemed like a good career option coz i was quite a patriot...i mean i still am....
i told my frnds abt it....they must have laughed for abt a week or so....but i was adamant.....till now i.e.
i told u about my built right?? hmmmm
i wanted to check my weight recently....so i jus decided to use those re.1 weighing machines at all those railway stations (We Indians can do anything to earn a buck!! ANYTHING!! i spoke about a gujju brain dint i?? )
so i jus hopped on one...put the coin inside....a second later....the machine started groaning uneasily.... a few huffs n puffs later....it spat out a card.... "krupya machine pe ek-ek karke khade hojaye"
crap!!! that felt like crap!! i culdv picked up that machine n hurled it to hawaii....but i dont really blame the machine..... i went home n chked myself in the mirror.... the well built guy had suprisingly transformed into snehashish from roadies 5.0.... i was HUUUUUUUUGE! i almost gave that machine a heart attack....!!
so due 2 obvious reasons....army was out too.....now im on the hunt for another career option....one of them being a certain CIA exam...which my uncle recommended.... wad the heck! if i clear i can go to dubai....so i think its worth a try....there are many others on the list...and the army is still on....i keep listentin to desh-bhakti ke gaane jus to ensure that the craze duznt fizz out....
so...now.....another post later...her i am.....still waitin for mr.god to switch on my stars....
while he is at it...i think ill keep ponderin over my career.....i shud cum up with sumthin....
p.s. please dont sue me if the post dint make sense....its not my fault...sacchi....even excuse the minor n major spelling mistakes....i make a lousy editor!!!

when your lips move towars the north.....

ok...the main reason i started this blog thing is coz every1 is doin it.... this might jus be my first ...and last post.... the problem with me is...everytime i think of sumthin to rite...it just about remains a thot...coz im too lazy to put it down on paper...or on my monitor...

about me well... cant say really.... i am this hazardous mixture of a south-indian middle class boy....with a gujju brain...and a punjabi tongue....now thats not exactly wat u will coz a "bingo" combination.... i am a chappal with laces..... superman with his undies on his inside......not a pretty sight na....i knw...

i am not overtly ambitious....but i am to an extent.... in other words...i am like every other man....every man wants sumthing in life...its jus dat i want it a bit more than them...nothing rong in that....
there are times in life when u want something so bad, that u are ready to go the full distance jus to get it....i havent cum across such a thing till now...lets jus hope i dont...

writing wasnt sumthin i fancied coz i never really thot i could write....writing jus happened by chance...i was bored...picked up a piece of paper and a pen...n i think i wrote some thing funny..
the only thing i can pull off while writing is humour....serious, romantic, dark stuf is a complete no-no for me
the one thing i can proudly talk abt is my ability to convert pain into humour...it is something i have mastered over the years...i have faced hell in my life....wars with my sister.... silly fights with my frnds....a troubled lovelife.....troubled love-"lives" u can say....hell!! i can give britney spears a run for her money with my 1 day relationships....i have seen it all...or atleast...most of it....but i have survived each n every one of those little and major set-backs with relative ease.... all thanks to a small little thing called.....the smile >>--> :-)...yea that one...

it can do wonders actually.... my frnd once came to me with a problem....she was sobbin n stuff.....i jus told her....when u frown...u are using up about 40-50 muscles to frown....but when u smile ...u hardly strain 10 of em.... yea it is pretty tough to smile when u are down and out.... but once u get a hang of it....its a cakewalk.....trust me....
i have had atleast a 1000 such instances when i have had my arse whipped by life....but got through it with a smile...n i will continue to do so till i achieve everything i want...
when you go through hell....its tough....but never should u stop....coz once u do...u burn ur bum...so jus keep moving ahead as fast as you can....de faster u move...de faster u learn....
yea...maybe all dat i have said maybe soundin a bit too philosophical.....but thats me.... THE KING OF CONTRADICTIONS!!! even i went against my own rules once....i was contempating suicide........was thinkin of the easiest n less painful of committing suicide.... i shortlisted on 3 ways
1) hangin myself frm de ceiling fan
2)drinkin sum baygon or mortein or wtv u call it
3) jumpin of the 10th floor of the building

sumhow all 3 dint seem really realistic n cool.... reasons...
1) hanging myself - i said to myself...cummon dude...your about 160 lbs.....y do u want to punish de fan for sumthin u have done...
2)naah ill save it for the bugs
3)what if i jump...n half way down i change my mind...oops.... too late spider-man......

then a simple...smart and cheap method of suicide came to my mind..... THE MENTOS
EFFECT...but even that dint work....
i bought a handfull of mentos' and a 2ltre bottle of coke.... by the time i had finished de bottle of coke...it was time for me 2 head 2 the loo.... bad decision i must say.... so even that dint work...n i jus gave up on suicide.....
on a more serious note.... suicide aint really cool....it takes courage to commit suicide too....
so heres my message 2 all those kids who are expecting their boards results....relax....suicide wont do the trick....all u have to do is enjoy the moment..... if u fail....u fail...life WILL give u a second chance.... this is from a guy hu has had about 20 such 2nd chances....so relax.(oh n yea....it doesnt mean u take it for granted!! dont come to me if u fail even on the 21st attempt!!)...trust your luck...dont curse it...peace